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Advice For Your First Job

J. Marglous '21

1. Just say yes!

It’s important to build connections you can use later in your career, so demonstrate that you’re enthusiastic and willing to help by taking any task thrown your way. When the boss needs somebody to call buyers, say yes! When he’s looking for help with deliveries, say yes! And when the man from the FBI tells you that you’re looking at twenty-five to thirty for possession with intent to dis- tribute unless you turn state’s evidence, say yes to him, too!

2. Be the best that you can!

Hard work pays off, because somebody is always watching. For instance, right now there are two agents with binoculars in the building across, the street, three more listening to audio from the microphone taped to your chest, and closed circuit video feeds recording the entire operation. Build your relationship with the boss, because every day is a chance to be better. As Agent Thomas reminds you when he drops off new batteries and tape every Thursday morning, your fate depends on it!

3. Be honest!

Honesty is always the best policy, whether you’re telling the boss that you don’t know how the DEA stopped the latest shipment, or marking the locations of the chunks of former rivals on the prosecutors’ map. When the time comes to testify, be honest, but maybe ask if you can do it remotely.

4. Take time for yourself!

Self care is important -- you can’t keep working forever! Time in nature is an especially effective way to recharge, so listen to Agent Thomas when he tells you to change your name and move to Montana with the wife and children he assigns to you.

5. Focus on family!

Developing a relationship with Sarah (first life: exposed a black market organ-smuggling ring) and her two children (six and eight) will be crucial to your legend, so make sure you’re home from work at the hardware store early enough for lots of family bonding time! Board games are a great idea: the kids will love Pictionary, but maybe stay away from Operation, given what the liver cartel did to their dad.

6. Be mindful!

Always remember to check under your car before turning the ignition -- Tim- my and Jane won’t recover from losing another father figure. And, this should go without saying, but you’ll need to change your email signature.

7. Find a hobby!

Try a new activity that will strengthen your mind and body. Hiking, painting and music are all inconspicuous options. Don’t start a band, because there’s a chance you’ll get popular, but feel free to try comedy.

8. Keep an open mind!

You still have your entire life ahead of you. Learning what you don’t enjoy is important, so remember that if you’re not happy, you can always switch careers!

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