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Are You Pregnant With the Anti-Christ or Are You Just Dehydrated?

N. Ostrer '21

We’ve all been there before. You wake up with a pounding headache and a dry feeling in the

back of your throat. It’s a reasonable question to ask yourself, “am I giving birth to the

anti-Christ?” There are a few quick and easy steps that can let anyone figure out if the Devil is growing inside you.

Did you have more than four drinks last night?

__ Yes, I love alcohol, the nectar of hedonists.

__ No.

Have you been to Church recently?

__ Yes, I am a follower of Christ and his teachings.

__ No, I hate Christ and his teachings. He is the arch-nemisis of Satan, my fiancé.

When you pee on a pregnancy test, does it go up in flames?

__ Yes, every time!

__ No, it just gets wet.

Do circles of monks with pentagrams tattooed on their foreheads follow you around chanting in Old Aramaic?

__ Yes, that’s my 9 AM.

__ No, I have never met these monks.

If any of these ring true, you are probably destined to bring about the destruction of the world.

You may also be dehydrated.

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