Some Frequently Asked Questions of a Tall Person

O. Ryan '23

art by Angie Kang '21

  • How tall are you?

  • How tall are your parents?

  • How old are you?

  • Who are you? How did you get in here?

  • Have you always been tall?

  • Did you go through a growth spurt?

  • Do you fit in your bed?

  • Why are you just standing there? Answer me! How the hell did you get in this building?

  • What shoe size are you?

  • Are you going to grow more?

  • Wait, is that a gun? Hey, get away from her!

  • How’s the weather up there?

  • Do people always ask you how tall you are?

  • Why are you doing this? Please just let her go. Please. This doesn’t need to be this way. Stop crying, Doris. It’s going to be okay. This man is smart. He knows I can give him what he wants as long as he gives me what I want, right? And what I want is for him to let our baby girl go.

  • Do you hit your head a lot on the subway?

  • What do you want? Money? I’ve got loads of money. Give the man my wallet, Doris. Here- take my wallet from my wife. I’ve got three credit cards, $300 in cash. I have a business card in there for a Mr. Charles T. Haverly. You can call him and ask for any amount of money and he’ll wire it to your account in minutes. He won’t even call the police. I won’t even call the police. Now, for the love of Christ, please let my daughter go.

  • Wait, what are you doing? Why are you smiling? Please just stay there. There’s no need to do that. We’ve given you everything you’ve asked for. Please just… oh my fucking God. Run, Doris. RUN!

  • Where are you guys?! My leg! He shot me in the leg! Doris, where are... Doris? Doris! Wake up, sweetie. Sweetie, wake up. C’mon now, we can’t stay here. I need you to wake up, honey. Doris, wake up. Doris, please wake up! Wake up, wake up, WAKE UP! WHAT KIND OF A LOVING GOD WOULD LET THIS HAPPEN?

  • Do you play basketball?

Recent Posts

See All

Guidelines for Catholic School Sex Ed

By O. Ryan '23 It is very important for the principal to choose the right sex ed teacher. The principal should first ask among the clergy who would be most comfortable leading such a class. Any priest

Never Miss a Post.

Brown University, Providence, RI

© Proudly created with Wix, fuck you Wordpress