The Quarantini and Other Cocktails for the Early Days of the COVID-19 Pandemic

By O. Rousseau ‘21


The Quarantini

Shaken or stir-crazy

1 part gin

1 part vermouth

Served in a 6ft tall glass


The “We’re All Screwed”-Driver

To go with your stimulus or reality check

1 part orange juice

25 parts vodka


The Gin and Tone-Deaf

For those who say: “We’re all going to die someday, anyways!”

1 healthy dose of gin

1 unhealthy dose of skepticism

1 Trump flag planted outside your governor’s office


The Manhattan

To be served “outdoors”

10 performative cheers at 7PM

Enough suffering to fill your shitty memoir


The Long Island ICU Tea

For the 10,000 burnt out healthcare workers in Queens

3/4 ounce vodka

3/4 ounce white rum

3/4 ounce silver tequila

3/4 ounce gin

3/4 ounce triple sec


The Run and Cope

Pairs well with your newfound $931B

1 part Coke

1 part dread

10 million parts your chalet in Vermont


The Sex on the Bleach

Served in a glass or mainlined from an IV

1 dose of that tiny, milky puddle the bottom of the Lysol wipes container


The Weakly Sour

Fermented means alcohol, right?

1 jar of sourdough starter, neat


Just Spoilt Milk

To feel something. Anything.

1 bottle of milk, left out


The Painkiller

Just rummage through your medicine cabinet for a while

5 of whatever you find


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