The Archive
Here, you can find (almost) all of our published pieces, cartoons, and art from past issues and issues to come sorted by issue and by author. Enjoy!
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Customer Service: A Monologue
L. King '21 “Okay, so this is what I understood. You’re calling because you’re dissatisfied - I’m sor- ry, yes, ‘outraged’- with the...
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Advice For Your First Job
J. Marglous '21 1. Just say yes! It’s important to build connections you can use later in your career, so demonstrate that you’re...
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Pinterest: Literally Just a List of Pins
J. Marglous '21 Push pins: For when you want to put something on a bulletin board. Pull pins: For when you want to take something off a...
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How to Know if You're Ugly
S. Zylberfuden '22 We all wonder to ourselves: I don’t think I’m ugly... but... do other people think I’m ugly? Now, if you’re not one to...
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PepsiCo Would Like to Apologize
B. Doyle '21 Dear beloved families of Hot Teens, We regret to inform you that Hot Teen Stacy, Hot Teen Brett, and Hot Teen Emma passed...
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Eco-Tips For the Apocalypse: Advice From ‘The End Times’
O. Rousseau '21 Hi Mary! BIG fan of your column. I’m a mom of three from California and with the drought kicking me and the old dust...
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A Letter to Oprah (From the Desk of Tom Hanks)
M. Warshay '20 The following is a leaked memo from the office of Tom Hanks. It was slipped under Oprah Winfrey’s front door in the days...
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Top 5 Video Games to Play While Your Home is Leveled by Jeff Bezos and his Battalion of Drones
D. Rebman '22 1. Minecraft An oldie, but a goodie. Lauded for its free and immersive gameplay, Minecraft allows the player to dig their...
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Are You Pregnant With the Anti-Christ or Are You Just Dehydrated?
N. Ostrer '21 We’ve all been there before. You wake up with a pounding headache and a dry feeling in the back of your throat. It’s a...
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Why Reading Finnegans Wake is Better Than Alcohol
V. Senthil Nathan '20.5 1. You get to tell people you are reading Finnegan’s Wake. 2. No hangover. If this goes wrong, you can always...